How to tell a guy
its OVER
Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as
Mr Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and
dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the
final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening
become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic
endeavours, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified
from the competition.
Tick those that apply...
___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking
it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture
myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little
lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about
yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up
repeatedly at recess.
__I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
__The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
__Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Alien uniforms a
little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you
are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a
long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however,
happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your
application.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,